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Date:2005-11-10 19:22

There's a little something that's been niggling at the back of my brain for a few months now and I finally put my finger on it this evening.

People of East Indian extraction working at fast food restaurants.

Now, I'm not even going to get started on my opinion that people from India are better educated and speak better English than people in the United States, and therefore why the hell are they working at a fast food restaurant. (O.K., actually I just did...whatever)

There is something both subtly and deeply disturbing about having a person who is most likely Hindu hand you your change, beverage and sack of dead cow.

Granted, some of these folks may be Pakistani. (Despite having had a seventh grade social studies teacher who was Pakistani and numerous coworkers over the years who were Indian, I still absolutely cannot tell the difference. Which really just means that I'm an American.)

Granted, I have no idea what kind of inroads Christianity has made into the Indian subcontinent, so some of these folks may be Christian and not Hindu.

Granted, I once had a conversation with a friend wherein we decided that going to an Indian restaurant and asking for "beef vindaloo" would be too intensly and unforgivably rude to be funny.

The fact remains that if the person working the drive through at, well, pretty much anywhere other than Kentucky Fried Bird, is wearing a nametag that says "Hello, my name is Raj", there is a pretty good chance that they are commiting an act of blasphemy at least equal to a Christian priest saying "Jesus Fucking Christ" every time they hand someone a burger.

Maybe it's ok as long as they don't actually touch the dead cow? I don't know, a scholar of Hinduism I am not. Anyone have an answer to this one?

We can't even blame it on "westernization", because of that whole, ya know, India/England thang.

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Date:2005-09-02 18:14

And I would just like to add, if the mayor of New Orleans ran for president today, he would so totally win. Just for having the chutzpah to say "lets get off of our asses and DO something".

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Date:2005-09-02 16:57

The thread "Shoot to kill" on the SF Goths Social List makes me seriously ashamed to be identified as a "goth". I actually used to know and like the person who basically said "it's their fault for not evacuating, let them suffer". I'm going to start wearing pink and dye my hair blonde.

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Date:2005-09-01 19:28


This is just so great. Reading these listings is making me all weepy. And also making me wish I had a place to offer people.

EDIT-Thanks to nakedblueninja for this idea...


request that they host a list for folks who cannot offer housing but would like to assist others who are housing hurrican victims with food, clothing, furniture, etc.

Spread the word!

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Date:2005-08-12 21:31

So, I made a new journal. Not for any of uber dramatic reasons that people usually make new journals, but soley because I don't have enough time to read my entire friends list and going to the journals of the people I do read one by one is a pain in my ass. And people get soooo butt hurt when you de-friend them. I've automatically added the people that I see IRL, and if you aren't one of those people but you actually read my entries, just add me and I'll add you back, no biggy.


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Date:2005-08-04 20:09
Mood: loved

During the course of a conversation with someone I have known since grade school, I happened to mention my most recent bout of being crazy. To which she replied "Nikki, you've always been crazy". And I realized something. 1) She was absolutely right, 2) She, and a whole bunch of other people knew it, and 3) They all loved me anyway.

You see, I was talking to a different friend the last time I came out here while still living in Denver and telling her how much I wanted to move back to California, and she said "It won't be like this all of the time you know". What she meant was a big group of us sitting around for hours talking and laughing our asses off. And I knew that. But that wasn't what made me want to come back. I couldn't express it then, but I think I can take a whack at it now. Here, I have people who know pretty much everything about me, all of my worst qualities, all of the stupid things I have done, and guess what? They love me anyway. "Warts and all", as both braincake and orson_z have phrased it at one time or another. And you know what? There wasn't ever a single person in Denver who I could say that about. There were people who loved me as long as I behaved myself in one way or another, met their expectations of what I should be. But that isn't enough. Especially for someone who is perpetually broken like I am. So, you see, it is "like this all of the time" now. And I am truly blessed.

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Date:2005-07-11 20:45

Pictures by braincake, text by buddharivet

Sunday DriveCollapse )

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Date:2005-07-07 19:04

I've had "Baby's on Fire" stuck in my head all freaking day.

That is all.

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Date:2005-06-25 20:30
Subject:How will I ever survive?

I finally got to see "Invader Zim".


I don't think it's funny. In fact, it was kind of annoying.

I'm pretty sure that is grounds for having my Goth Card revoked.

Oh well.

In other news, please add the sexy and hilarious braincake, my partner in world domination, and then taunt him endlessly until he updates his freaking LiveJournal.

Thank you.

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Date:2005-06-12 13:02
Mood: happy

Looking forward to...

Going to the ocean.

Earning my own money.

Being able to do yoga.

Feeling sane and staying that way for a while.

Garage sales.

Thrift stores.

Spending time with that really great guy I live with who is so damn cute I am forced, upon occasion, to pinch his freaking cheek. Seriously.

Lots and lots of really great sex. See above.

Taking lots and lots of pictures.

That's about it for off of the top of my head right now.

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Date:2005-06-03 10:15

I sit
Where there is nothing to do
except think.

dangerous territory

And I wonder
How Much?

How Much
of The Great Adventure
was real.

How Much?

A little aliteration

I want to ask "What is Real?"


I am awake
in the middle of the night


I watch you sleep.
Just for a few minutes.


I resist
the temptation
to tease you back to the world
because you need to rest
as do I.


I realize

I already know.


I am calm.

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Date:2005-05-28 10:51
Subject:To borrow a title from Zombienurse...

I'm still alive.

Moving into real, non motel type, shared living space with The Dan on Sunday. Appointment at Kaiser to fiddle with pills Tuesday. Student financial aid drop in thingy sometime next week. Other stuff too, but the most important thing is that I'm alive, I'm ridiculously happy most of the time, except when my brain is not acting the way it is supposed to, and I soooo owe everybody who is helping me take care of myself. The only possible payback is to get better and have an amazing life. I'm working on it kids.

And on that note, an hour on the computer is my current limit, which it has been, so it's time to do something else.

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Date:2005-05-17 23:03

The universe is a very strange thing and works in truly mysterious ways.

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

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Date:2005-05-15 20:35
Subject:Oh yeah, I almost forgot...

I'll be there Sunday evening. Maybe sooner, depending on how much I can drive each day.

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Date:2005-05-15 20:19
Subject:To My California People...

So, I just got off of the phone with tasaspirit and I have just one thing to say...

(preceded by "yes, I know, things are working out as they have been cosmically destined to yadda yadda yadda...I KNOW")





Yeah, just kinda had to get that out.

I feel much better now.

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Date:2005-05-14 15:15
Subject:My essay for the day...

Inspired by many several different people, each for different reasons, but applicable to all...

"Hawt" vs "Good Looking"

There are men that I find pleasant to look at in a totally objective way, and there are men that make my girly bits all quivery.

These are not the same men.

While I am just as inclined as any other woman to rest my eyes on a man who is (insert sub culturally relevant definition of male attractivness here), I have absolutely no interest in these men. Generally, I don't even bother to talk them. Because they know they are "good looking". This is not Hawt. This is obnoxious.

Knowing you are a really wicked cool guy=Hawt
Being really fucking smart=Hawt
Having enough self confidence to be willing to totally geek out=Hawt
Being pleasantly soft and good to hug=Hawt
Being able to make me laugh so hard I can't breathe=Hawt

"Six Pack Abs"=NOT Hawt, if I wanted to lay my head on something hard and uncomfortable, I would sleep on the kitchen floor.
Perfect Hair=NOT Hawt, if it takes you longer than me to get ready, I will kill you in your sleep.
Thinking that your workout routine is an appropriate topic of discussion=NOT Hawt, this is the personal interaction equivalent of an infomercial. Click.

Am I that girl that will make the guys on your softball team or at your corporate dinners green with envy? No, I am not. I have never tried to be and I never will. I have no desire to be a possesion that is meant to be displayed (though I do take great pleasure in making someone whom I think is Hawt drool uncontrollably, objectification and appreciation are not the same thing). I am a person and expect to be valued as one. Because that is what I value, and that is what I have taken the time and energy to cultivate in my life. And really hot sex. But only if you're Hawt.

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Date:2005-05-14 10:02

His Heiness finally decided to return home.

His "special cat name" has now been offically changed from "Pooser" to "Fucknut".

That is all.

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Date:2005-05-13 19:38

X-posted from failingthrice at beautifulcurves

"Being Ugly

Reply to: anon-68922824@craigslist.org
Date: Sun Apr 17 23:42:17 2005

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, or beautiful, but, for me, I will always try to be Ugly.

Edit: I didn't write this, I found it on craigslist. If you really like the story, why not email the person who wrote it? I think he/she will appreciate that.
Send emails to: anon-68922824@craigslist.org"

Kinda reminds you a little of Tom, dunnit drowninghazel?

I'm a big tough heartless bitch and I'm NOT crying, dammit.

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Date:2005-05-13 18:06

Thank You kaiann

My email address is now buddharivet at gmail dot com.

Please make a note of it.


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Date:2005-05-13 17:37
Mood: worried

The imdominatable Mr. Sparticus gave me the slip late last night.

He has done this before and always come home within a few hours.

He's not home yet.

I keep telling him he can't kick a coyotes ass, but he just looks at me and says "Meerow" (translation-"Can TO!").

I am starting to worry.

I can't even use the whole "when he gets hungry enough, he'll come home" thing.

When he gets hungry enough, he'll kill something and eat it.

But he is microchipped. Thank god.

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